Loosing self respect

Hurricane, as the name suggests, it brings chaos in the world. It destroys anything which comes in its way. It doesn’t have selective destruction and doesn’t love to other either. It creates confusion when the trembling leaves of the autumn spreads the news to the growing infants, of its entry. So has become my daily. It is true with my chores and routine. That is me. It is my normal pattern of living.

I tried to work in the community hospital. Previously, I planned to work for 2 years. Then, I was so determined that I have not planned for the USMLE for next 2 years. It is just 7 months back when I inadvertently planned the Chaos. I prefer to call it the chaos. It brought a lots of disturbances outside and inside in the same magnitude.

Living in the hostel is a great experience for everyone. I love the world around me in hostel specifically. Late night sleep as if the world has just started to show its face to me in the midnight and I am free of chaotic desires. I lived a moment in presents without plans and without confusions. I was I, always. I lived in true sense, then.

When I decided to live in hostel even after my graduation that was the day when I lost my self respect and dignity. I continued losing all of them further when I gave a damn to the difficulties of the juniors. I have faced the same kind of problems when I was new in the college. I tried hard to get the room and establish in the new environment so that I can focus in the studies. But I failed to address the problem. 

It could have been better if I had stayed and focused to studies. I failed in that too. So it is just mere passing the time rampantly here and there and for that and for this. For the world around me, I am the one. I knew everything for I have shown the consistency in the past in my academia. But I was, in truth, always the same. The same impulsive creature whose efficiency surpassed the input in bursts and the vulnerable exam system kneeled for the good. I was no good than the hostel hosted bad boys in true sense.

Personality

What a personality I have? I give a deep thinking most of the time. I am still perplexed as I used to be in the past. I am still unknown of the self. I guess I am not only guy with this idiosyncratic emotions and guilt.

I have rapidly changing mood in the day time. Well, I sleep in the night so it’s difficult to analyse the mood at that time but I am sure the night is not different than day time for my mood to swing. It is bound to swing. So do my behaviours and acuity.

I like Children and old and frail people. I want to help them, show them my love and care. I want to talk with them as much as I can. It applies to the younger generation people as well.

I like making new friends but want them to limit in the distances. The nearer they want to come, the more the resistance develops intrinsically. I can’t help but break the relation smoothly and abruptly. This abrupt disruption of the relations causes significant turmoil in my daily life. It hampers the normal thinking. It prevents me from normal dealing with people. It is because I always have after-effect of the relationship.

I don’t think much but sometimes I am forced to.

Borderline Personality

The day began as usual routine. I wake at same time at 8 0’clock in the morning. Shashi reminded me the bygones day, we went together for the breakfast in the optometry canteen. Latter, the young man Roshan came by and we talked bit longer. We talked for the future. We analyse the possible way of dealing with the time for the Roshan. We recommended following the Kumar and Clark for the medicine, Bailey for the Surgery, Dutta for the Obstetrics, Shaw for the Gynaecology, Nelson for the paediatrics and the Macleod and the Hutchinson for the Clinical methods. Also we enlighten him with some extra- curricular activities like participating in some research activities, taking grant from the NHRC (I gave him the web address of the NHRC, focusing the address to be searched in small letters, i.e. nhrc instead of NHRC).

I was losing confidence for the following days. I was not sure of what and how to study for the rest of the days. I have eight days remaining. I am good at studies and that is for sure if I give appropriate thought and energy.

For the past few years, I am constantly losing my focus from studies.

Beer

Last night was terribly romantic. I prefer the term romantic though I was not with girl friend. I don’t have the one. I spend the evening till midnight with Shashi and Uttam Dai. We drank different beers and more than 3 bottles.

I was awakened up by Shashi in the morning for breakfast. Roshan accompanied him to the room as he was sleeping in the next room in C block probably with Apil one of the most help full guys from the college.

I tried studying the whole day. I ate large meal in the afternoon so I slept approximately 3 hours in the afternoon. It always happens to me whenever I eat large meal, I feel like sleeping. For many people the afternoon nap is refreshing nap but I always wake up drowsy I don’t know what is it and why this happens to me?

I have been avoiding talking much with people these days. It’s almost a week or two that I am avoiding conversation whether they are important or not. I used to be the most talkative person in the scenario. Sometimes I am terrified with the mood of myself. I used to find myself as a moody psycho with constant chirps. But nowadays it’s different. I am different. May be the best way to calm oneself and knowing oneself is to keep silent.

It’s almost 2 months I tried to study for Step 2 of USMLE. I am used to with my procrastination for this and for that. It’s in my gene. I laugh with this thought because I tried hard to overcome the feeling of the guilt every time. But now the time for my exam is very near. Just 9 days is left and I am nowhere. I don’t have fixed routines, preparation and others. I just have a confidence and the logics.

I believe in my past knowledge and deduction and logics and confidence. I will pass the exam, further more I will get 99 and above 250. I smile most of the time for these thoughts. I ask myself if this would be the vanity. And I answer this is a confidence. Cheers for the new and still newer beginning.

Way I choose to become confident

Today the June 7^th, Monday, just the day before my step 2 board exam, I am overwhelmed with anxiety. I have never felt this way in any exams before. This is first time of its kind. I am hopeful though about the exam and the result.

I always repent on the bygone days for the mistake I made and vow to make better the next time. Unfortunately and surprisingly I never give a second thought on improving the past mistakes. I just forget them once the crisis is over till I remember them once again during the next battle.

I tried to study the materials but to my bad I could not. I don’t know the reason why? But I couldn’t improve on the past weaknesses. Just the day before the exam I am trying to improve my clinical acumen and the confidence.  I talked with Subash about the past achievements, the past glory and tried to improve on my level of confidence.

I am sure I will do best I can do in exams. I have proved it already. It would be the second time that I will be proving myself that I am the best and I am the one.

I will be enjoying with my friends tomorrow evening with the sense of victory and achievement.

Analysis of my exam preparation

The clock is ticking and the date on calendar is changing but my vision is static. I am no more a new man, in contrary to what I used to think of myself. I write and talk about me every time that I see a new man every day but I found it false, surprisingly.

Now I have two more days for the board exam. I postponed it to June 8 from June 1. I hoped I would prepare the exam to the fullest but the Need for the speed and the counter strike made my hope a story of Pandora. I never reached the target.

I am trying to analyse the lack of motivation and objectivity. I studied well during my medical school but its 2 or 3 years back. I have confidence to identify the materials being tested now though. After all I have performed well throughout the academic career even after the emotional tornados. God has gifted me something valuable, something everyone elses desires to have, a good memory and a good analysis.

I must and need to give a best of me in the exams. It is last opportunity. It is a last blow, of its nature, that I will ever have to attempt in my life. Even after acknowledging the facts, I lack motivation. I don’t have desires to surpass the expectations of my own and others. I knew the expectations of my family. I deeply analyse the consequences of the aftermath. I fear I will be devastated if the results will be far away from my expectations in either direction.

Now if I have to counsel the juniors or the colleagues who will be preparing for the board exams, how am I supposed to do that? For me, just knowing how to make a diagnosis, knowing complications, identifying the distracters, making best judgement in the clinical scenarios may suffice the need to have a good numbers but to the mediocre it is not so easy to have them at all. They need different level of perseverance and hard work. I don’t say it. I have already proved it. Besides I am a fast learner, analyser and repeater, with good comprehension in the subject matter. Not everything is needed to learn and retain. We should have some empty space in mind for the new thing from the future.

After doing some wrestling with the thoughts, I am trying to counsel and prepare myself for the exam. I see beautiful tomorrow every day. I always do. I see my future as glorious and magnificent as a warm sun. Never is late, I hear it many a times. I have seen its fragrance. I have tasted its scent in the past where I started my academic career from nothing. Many people say it was hell. I started my life as a man of destiny and here I am on the way to become the one.

The clock will continue it ticking as it is destined to and the days will continue to pass by as it has to. Time waits for no man and destiny waits for no man. But I will make my own destiny. I will make my own time.

My sleep

Just like the previous day i went to sleep. head in the usual place but

the thoughts wandering here and there. the unknown force entices me to

think of some beautiful but fictious heavenly made figure. slowly and

calmly i gave up to the arms of unjustified angles.

Illusion

Colors, so melodious to listen
Music, so deep to watch
And pain, so pleasing to smell
All were wonderful friends
Am I alone, all alone?
Am I conscious, self conscious?

Thoughts, crawl and jump
Enter, through the nose
Shifts, the frames of thoughts
Complete and incomplete shifts
Replacing the previous,
And the other end

Rounding and rotating Roshan
Hello! Helloooo! Helloooo
Heavy Quilt and pillow, a stone
Its earthquake, with and in the bed
or I am the earthquake, he he am I?
Never lasting, a munching
amm, amm, amm
God! Since how much I am starving?

I am being watched
Why am I being watched?
and who is watching?
He, she, they...no no
Everyone is watching me
I am hiding now

Am I thinking?
or Am I sleeping?

Differences in Males

I am not going to prove myself. So, what do you want to do, its your choice. I don't want to prove myself. It would cause ego problem in me and you. I explained my objective before I tried to justify her paranoia.

I guess I am loyal and will be so. IF I COULD NOT I WILL TRY TO LEARN. I MAY NEED HELP TO BE LOYAL AND I EXPECT THE SAME TOO FROM MY PARTNER.

It is very nice to know that you are studious, and I am no doubt the same, you may know latter :).

I like songs, nepali, hindi, english and some arabian songs. I like narayan gopal, arun thapa, aruna lama, karna das, deep shrestha etc not the modern nepali songs though, except 1974 AD.

It is great to know that you belong to bloodline of Laxmi prasad devkota. I really appreciate him very much. His sensitivity towards human being. I hope to find some qualities in you too.

Now the real topic: about maleness!

Men are same: it was her sarcasm, regarding my choices.

Of course the biology is same. They are living creature as other being, like you for example. They are sexually different. Their psychology is different than female and they vary from one to another as well, if you could understand the psychology. Besides, the sexual urge is natural instinct so they (male) are attracted to many woman for one reason or the other. It is truth.

But whenever a man approaches a woman it doesn't mean he has hidden agenda to get involve in physical level only. To understand the man it is equally important to know him and understand him. His development, education, social background, friends and all. Besides, man never thinks sex or a thing like that is the only thing he wants in life. He too is equally sensitive for his social needs, a secure life with intelligent and caring and self sustained partner (wife I mean), secure job, respect, autonomy and some authority. However, it differs how much value a man gives to these above mentioned factors.

If a man is inclined to a woman, many of the people may interpret in a wrong way (I don't think there is any wrong way though). They (interpreter) do not know the whole relationship dynamics and the psychology behind the approach of the man for that particular relationship. It should not be judge in one frame only. Man are human too. They too feel pain. They too have heart to sustain betrayals. They too have sensitivity to feel being cared. They are not a statue, not to appreciate the beauty of life. They too can feel the pain in woman, love of woman. They too know how to behave, to be loyal, to care. (just a feeling).

Now, satisfaction:
I just want to say a single thing: it depends upon the man. Just like not every fingers in your hand are same, like every day is different , every man is different. so their degree of satisfaction for the same thing is different. I guess I tried as much as I can to make things clear. Perception is important.

'I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul' from 16th century poem, Invictus'. We can change our personality, we can change our fate too. We must have courage to face the mistrust, betrayals and downs, and sail our boat to our dreams. We are actually what we think. We see things accordingly. If you want to see good you will see the good, if you expect bad, bad happens. That is what it is written here and there....think positive and be positive, and be optimistic.....live in present...but see tomorrow.. a day with sunlight but not the night without moon!

Guff Gaff

Cooking: Wow! I can fairly understand that you can cook spicy and delicious foods. Paradoxically, you are thin. It may be possible that all people eat every bit of food you cook leaving nothing at all, so you grow thinner with every cooking. So you can consider avoiding, hosting the food party and cooking at most. It is advantageous for me that you can cook delicious food as your memories are for me. Though they are faint and light, but worthy. You should invite me someday la.

Poet, and romance: Well anyone can express in romantic and poetic way had he/she seen you for the first time. I am a simple man with lots of interests. Arts especially. I was just enhanced by you. Believe me. I used to write messages but not the way I started writing you. I have shown you my better parts but the bad parts. I wish you would understand me and my mood and prejudices, and weaknesses and strengths. You will know them all in time. Patience, I need that too.

Falling in love: I will be grateful to your heart if it considers me a trust worthy person to spend some emotions to. I need that. Do not be blank, grow some feelings and try feeling my emotions for you. It is hard. I know that. It is logical that you may want to know me in some frames. Who am I? How am I? What are my faces? Answers will be found. I know, no questions will be left in space. I will be honest and be myself when you meet me, or lets say we meet. In near future. I am dying to meet you. To see you speaking eyes, to feel your calming self, and of course to make a permanent tract to walk together in this path of life.

Encouragement: I am all yours. :) I have found in your words, a woman with high moral value, self dignity, and confidence and lady's charm. Still, I have to capture the true natural colors of my choice. You are self sufficient. Just you have to realize that. Nobody has authority to make other feel bad or low, actually no body can do that without our permission. I heard it somewhere. I am, whenever you need me, all ears!. Believe me.

How would I impress a lady?

I have already put some extra weights of 9 pounds or more. All pants seem to shrink off size. I need to buy whole extra new pant or two dear.

Further, It is going to be compounded by this Wonderful eves of Dashain, meat and meat, and sweets. No doubt, I will definitely keep some Govida for payro manche! ;)

I have emailed myself to Baltimore now, with my brother and sister from my big father. I will be staying most of the time here. Preparing for my Interviews. I guess I got a call from Oklahoma University Hospital but I need at least 7 calls to be fixed for this year but I need not worry. I know I will definitely get position this year. The programs do not want to miss me. heheh

Wow, great to know that, that guy called you and might have repented a lot hai`? I do not know and wish I do not want to know about that further more what had happened with you and the relation. Life is simply beautiful, and just have to look around and you will find rose in bushes. We learn through our mistakes and even if we do not learn its okay. Its our life. No body can make us low without our permission, I heard it somewhere. So it means you are as free as bird once again.

For a moment when I got last two messages I was literally numbed and felt that you were referring me, that long distance relationship ke. I know now the story behind.

I do not know how you are going to take me now. What are your plans? I hope you will not making any decisions until I come to meet you in months, may be five more. We can talk and put ourself in this message as much as we can. only IF IT IS POSSIBLE FOR YOU OR EASY! hehe

see even your words are so calming ke. I just feel that you are just near by. Your warm hands over my Cheeks, and my eyes closed in bliss. Silence all around with some gush of cool breeze under a tree. Your wide opened eyes with deep sights. I just can imagine it.

any way, very happy vijaya dashami. Yo Dashain hajurko jindagi ko sabai vanda ramilo hos, suvakamana la (I was saying, 'I wish you the best out of this Dashain.')

Upon hearing her Story

As speechless as a statue: I am numb to express anything.

As cold as northern breeze: I was stabbed and don't feel pain any more.

As empty as Volcano: I am feeling the suffocation that is going to burst.

as lonely as isolated child: never felt such a helplessness, never!

as manly as I can: I wish I could caresses you :)

Vabana ma Bahakinda yeso lekhna pugeyecha!

Take your time to heal first (Ghyal Sher! :)).

I don't have anything to say right now. I am finding hard to express myself. I am just speechless.

with love

My dilemma

But the answers were like a sword which says 'If you tell I will kill you and if you don't I will anyway', and now I am in trap ke. :)

Persuading someone

How was the night's sleep? I can just imagine you had very good sleep. So Shall we start our new conversation then? :)

I listened to song 'phantom of the opera' It was really nice. I internalize the whole song and dreamed it to be the part of my life. Some one is haunting me constantly down like that phantom. :) I was deeply impressed with that Soprano who sang that song. Quite interesting theme of the song. I recommend that song to you too. If you like songs. :)

When I saw your message this morning I was feeling some good from within Inside. I thought my days will be good again and it did as expected. I got another message from my junior from Nepal and he informed me about his newly published article in The Kathmandu Post and requested me to review it and feed some Compliments. You may know that I am good at complimenting people. I wrote some points, gave some advices and burnt some cookies about the current health system of Nepal. I don't know how he will take them.

Being frank, I wanted to see you once again so browse your profile this evening and search for my thirst quencher, your photos. But I was not surprised to see all photos in dark alleys and the search was racking. I thought someone might have really got into your nerve and forced you to hide your identity; your beauty. :)

You are really beautiful ke. I must repeat this and give you compliment in this matter. Physically attractive and your intelligence is praise worthy ke. I came to this conclusion through your style of presenting yourself in conversations. Many people do not get the deep understanding of the sentences that other people write and express. Sometimes words speak louder than the Actions (Paradox vo hai?). It means you are always approached by one man or the other. It is a law of nature. If you see a butterfly attracted towards a burning candle then you will realise the strength of attraction towards the being that you like most. Everyone is attracted towards the being (It means towards you).

I am not exception I am no doubt attracted towards you. I just didn't want to acknowledge the fact of being attracted there is nothing in between (I used to counsel myself time and again) to get this feeling right now. It is still Immature (I want to assured myself) but I feared of unknown (actually I know Why I fear:)) We can talk in this matter or we can just remain like we are now (we don't know our fate and future though hai?

Choices are there always whether to give chance or not KE (HAHA). We can be emotional or be pragmatic in making or breaking of the relation :) last OPTION we will not do KE and is for sure. :)

Start your day with smile LA and I am waiting for your message hai.
Have a great day

How to Give compliment about weight?

Every other person after a heavy meal or otherwise feel sleepy. Further, at midnight anyone feels sleepy. Besides that, the weight of the meal might have surpassed yours. Let me guess the weight of the supper you might have taken. Is it 5 kg? I guess you are heavier than that.

After the fight

I was expecting your message. Above all, I was expecting to comment on your Photo albums (You didn't like them, and I know that) but the few of them (your albums) are still open and public; I can comment on them which I won't do now, I know why by now :). I made you secure your photo albums. You closed them all. Finally!

We must be having some misunderstanding in our conversations dear! I must say I started that. I should not have chosen the way how I behave (words) in those messages. I don't know how to make apology nevertheless :). I just wanted to make a fun out of those conversations.

I am good, but was not for last few days. I am okay physically! now, but exhausted mentally. Thinking and thinking.I think a lot. I have not got any interview calls yet. It should be coming on my way after mid-October, but I need some wishes (Will you please do that for me, please) God is not there for me. He does not have faith in me :).

My results are on due for October 13th or latter, I guess I told you that. I am poor at remembering things besides that's why I can not cook cookies here. You know, when I was about to do my laundry this morning I missed to put bleach and detergent, oops! See I can not remember these trivia. Amazingly, however I can not remember to forget writing to you though and You don't forget to forget me paradoxically!

I sit most of the time inside the room, trying preparing for the interviews. Questions are like Tell me about yourself? What are your greatest weakness? About your strength? What are the three adjectives those can define you? What your best friend think of you like? And I don't know the answers yet. I don't know how to start with. But, I know I will be running with well prepared bullets in no time.

When you have changed your mind to communicate with me after reading this message, please, write me laa.I hate my facebook account especially if I don't see red notification in upper left corner of message box. I like your message. By the way you can continue hiding your wall and photos :), if you can manage to send me some flavour from your side I will stay awake and live :). You just run all the time inside my empty head. How you became a marathon runner Hugh? I have no idea at all.

Keep in touch and keep smiling (I guess you've started dancing and singing once again (I mean recovered)

Farting

The new things are almost always successful to attract the envious eyes  of a mass. Every seconds millions of things are discovered to amaze the viewers. Be it in the field of science and technology, astronomy, wild life or any other field out there in the world. It is equally true for the world of food technology, processing and making of them (these sophisticated terms were used intentionally to attract the mind of coy readers), and they (new taste and smell) are  equally good to tease the taste buds and irritate the olfactory neurons or sometimes to force to wake people even from the dead as do the century old secrets of making tasty and of course smelly (Whack!)foods though we don't use perfumes to fumigate our food (I overheard some foreigners (white people)! in USA claiming southasian food; indian and probably nepali food contains variety of perfumes :).

Recently, I discovered a new taste which can be found in any variety of food out there. I was amazed with this extra-ordinary discovery. I pray that nobody would discover this. I want to be the first and last to discover this taste, smell and colour of the food. I want Noble prize for this sub-ordinary discovery. It can be made in any food items. Your tea, coffee, sugar, salts, rice, potato, chicken, mutton and others, just you name it. You can add this extra flavour and the mind boggling taste and you will remember for years and possibly for generations to come. It has very peculiar taste of burning coal. When you put rice to oven for approximately 45 minutes with little water to make sure it completely swell and roast to COAL, you can further make sure to burn that to ashes by deviating your concentration on either facebooking or watching HOW IT IS MADE channel. Sometimes they simply do wonderful job. As for example you can put sausage to micro-oven for 5 minutes only and you will get the charcoal sausage and its so easy, I didn't know it previously. The only technique that I used to make these delicious dishes is appropriate use of time. The more time you use to cook them the more delicious it becomes.   नेपाली मा डडाउने भनचन। जति डडायो तेती रम्रो।

From the health point of view food cooked by this technique is further added with many advantages. You will not eat much so it is beneficial in maintaining your body weight and you will become lean as if somebody has asked to go for jogging when food is made to ready preventing its consumption. You can enjoy the musical sound at night if you got any opportunity to share the room together. A variety of octaves can be heard with intense joy, sometime they can even help you maintain wakefulness through out the night. The musical sound can be converted into variety of sounds depending upon the mimicry ability of the LIPS and the intensity, on the force of contraction of abdominal musculatures.
Further, different modification can be made with change of one's position. Sometimes this sound may accompany different sound called snoring.Beware, some are extremely intelligent to fool you by producing those two sounds synchronously, so sometimes you are victimised to suffocation without your preparation for appropriate preventive measure like fleeing away, use of double mask or use of clipper or rubber cork (Just guess what are you going to do with those clippers or corks!). These sounds may create room very romantic, musical and the persons alert.

There are great potential of these sounds to be used in different scenarios. If we can harvest the energy of these sounds and of course smell it can be used against unwanted invaders in the room, for example. Also to terrorise the potential enemy around. The gases can be collected with the use of special type of pipelines! and can be used as tear gas, anaesthetics or even sometimes to revert the anaesthesia. The writer has heard that the gas was once tired to wake the people who passed out. Due to the PERFUMES we use during cooking process, the gas has (of some only) that perfuming quality when it comes out but the story is different when it mixes with the content of the tunnel downstairs.

If we, the people who want to explore the world with eccentricity and potential to be a people as mentioned above or who wants to pursue career in above mentioned field, can form a community, we would definitely make a world better! place to live in. We can help community supplying gases to cook food! (a subject of research), Olfacto gas (Name is coined because the gas has direct and severe effect on Olfactory neurons) to Arm Forces, to repell the enemy because it has (of some selected!) abominable fumigation property.

I hope we will further explore the world around the next time.

Enjoy Reading :)

Make Me Cloud, Make Me River

Make me cloud, make me river
I want to change the form, so I can be with you
So, I can be like you.

First glance, light brown eyes and the dark black dress
Elegant stride, caring words
Still echoes through the ears and the mind
The self, my self says again and again

Make me cloud, make me river
I want to change the form, so I can be with you
So, I can be like you.

Varieties of appetite, one is of you
Soul seeks, feels and savors you
Unsatisfied me, tells the heart; that is you

Make me cloud, make me river
I want to change the form, so I can be with you
So, I can be like you.

Lovable innocent smile, caring eyes
Attached with your heart is my heart
Every lub, every dup says to you

Make me cloud, make me river
I want to change the form, so I can be with you
So, I can be like you.

The first kiss, with the trembling lips
My heart bounced, the joy unknown
Morning of valentine, heart still says

Make me cloud, make me river
I want to change the form, so I can be with you
So, I can be like you.

Out you there, fragrance so live
Eyes never been so curious, so is the heart
Every Friday, the air says

Make me cloud, make me river
I want to change the form, so I can be with you
So, I can be like you.

The self, my self says again and again
Every lub, every dup says to you
Morning of valentine, heart still says
Every Friday, the air says
Make me cloud, make me river
I want to change the form, so I can be with you
So, I can be like you.

A Man Of Destiny

Flying with dreams
A man comes to destiny
Only if
Bricks are laid in air
But in reality

Perseverance and the patience
A money
That is to pay
Impatience, you sow
Failure you reap

I know the key
Construction
Instruction
Failure and success
Alas! failed
Failed to use the key

Am I the man of destiny?

That's Why I like What I Am

I am a temper
I am a hate
I am a mood
I am the pain

I'm a scratch
I'm a hole
I'm a patch
I'm what I am

Pain is itself in pain
Hate hates itself
Mood is moody for itself
But still I am what I am

I am what I am
So, why am I
Don't ask
I don't know what I am
and why I am
But that's why
I like what I am

But Still I Love You

I don't know
why I like you
why I love you

Still I like you and
still I love you

The innocence
the kindness
the deepness
and the unknown
the perfect reasons
I wonder

and still i like you
still i love you

no matter
where would you be
what would you be
what the world would be
still I like you
and still I love you

now you know me
my frustations, and desires
my anger, and care
and my fear, and tolerance
but still i like you
I love you

There broke my Canvas

Screams all I hear, those of my soul
Deep anguish, and pain, and moans
Dark nights, falling leaves, and burning sands
There broke my canvas

Though its old
knows how to hold the life
knows the way to express the soul
Soul of inner chords, and the rhythms
But,
There broke my canvas