Analysis of my exam preparation

The clock is ticking and the date on calendar is changing but my vision is static. I am no more a new man, in contrary to what I used to think of myself. I write and talk about me every time that I see a new man every day but I found it false, surprisingly.

Now I have two more days for the board exam. I postponed it to June 8 from June 1. I hoped I would prepare the exam to the fullest but the Need for the speed and the counter strike made my hope a story of Pandora. I never reached the target.

I am trying to analyse the lack of motivation and objectivity. I studied well during my medical school but its 2 or 3 years back. I have confidence to identify the materials being tested now though. After all I have performed well throughout the academic career even after the emotional tornados. God has gifted me something valuable, something everyone elses desires to have, a good memory and a good analysis.

I must and need to give a best of me in the exams. It is last opportunity. It is a last blow, of its nature, that I will ever have to attempt in my life. Even after acknowledging the facts, I lack motivation. I don’t have desires to surpass the expectations of my own and others. I knew the expectations of my family. I deeply analyse the consequences of the aftermath. I fear I will be devastated if the results will be far away from my expectations in either direction.

Now if I have to counsel the juniors or the colleagues who will be preparing for the board exams, how am I supposed to do that? For me, just knowing how to make a diagnosis, knowing complications, identifying the distracters, making best judgement in the clinical scenarios may suffice the need to have a good numbers but to the mediocre it is not so easy to have them at all. They need different level of perseverance and hard work. I don’t say it. I have already proved it. Besides I am a fast learner, analyser and repeater, with good comprehension in the subject matter. Not everything is needed to learn and retain. We should have some empty space in mind for the new thing from the future.

After doing some wrestling with the thoughts, I am trying to counsel and prepare myself for the exam. I see beautiful tomorrow every day. I always do. I see my future as glorious and magnificent as a warm sun. Never is late, I hear it many a times. I have seen its fragrance. I have tasted its scent in the past where I started my academic career from nothing. Many people say it was hell. I started my life as a man of destiny and here I am on the way to become the one.

The clock will continue it ticking as it is destined to and the days will continue to pass by as it has to. Time waits for no man and destiny waits for no man. But I will make my own destiny. I will make my own time.